4 years later…

*cracks open wordpress, bats fly out*

It has been nearly 4 years since I wrote an entry.  I had no plans to stop blogging, though by that point I think my updates were coming monthly.

When I wrote that last post, I didn’t even know I was pregnant.

I lost that baby.

It was already dead, though my body (for whatever reason) decided to hold onto it for an extra month.

At the time, we’d been struggling with some fertility issues. Minor surgery corrected the problem, but we’d been trying for nearly 2 years by that point.

It was a blow.

I didn’t realize then how common miscarriages are.

At the time, I think I considered writing a post about it, but it was still so raw.  As time stretched on, it seemed exhausting to go back and share everything.  Finances didn’t seem important (and by that point, as DINKS with engineer salaries, it was a steady drumbeat of automated savings… fun to watch it grow, but nothing interesting to share).

I got pregnant again.  I held my breath, keeping it a secret as if that would keep this baby safe.

He’ll be three in February.

Baby #2 was born in August. I go back to work on Monday.

We bought a house.  We bought another new car. I switched jobs after my promotion was denied 3 years in a row. I started teaching yoga classes. We’re inching closer and closer to major net worth milestones, we surpassed various salary milestones. We itemized taxes for the first time.

I’ve wanted to blog again, now that there are so many more things to think about.  How we’ll pay down our mortgage.  How we’ll afford $30,000 for daycare for both kids. How we’ll handle college savings.  How we’ll manage to keep our house clean with both of us working full-time.

I’m still reading most of the blogs I used to (the ones that are still going), though I don’t think I’ve commented.  I was also reading a lot of Early Retirement blogs for a while, though I’m off that kick now.

I don’t know that I’ll blog again, but that’s what has been up with me.

Miss you.

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2 Responses

  1. Welcome back! I see a lot of similarities with you. I also had a miscarriage awhile ago (January 2015). It was a blow to us as well, not even realizing how common it was. But we were lucky enough to welcome a baby a little over a year later. I also kept it quiet, at least on the blog and on facebook. I tweeted about it, though…
    We also bought a house recently, and agree that between mortgage and daycare, things are a bit frightening.

    And like you, I let my blog go by the wayside. I’ve never been very good at keeping it updated, but parenting + working leaves not much time to write!

    Congratulations on all the new changes (kids, house, job). I look forward to hearing about your life again!

    • I’m so sorry for that loss. I actually find some guilt and grief mixed together over my miscarriage – looking at my son, I can’t imagine not having him, so it’s weird to miss that baby that never got to be born.

      Parenting + working is the hardest for me – I’m planning to try working 4 days a week and see if that helps.

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