Uncertainty Kills Me

I confess: I love structure.  I like it when there are rules, when there are set plans, when each dollar has its assigned place.  This is probably why I love math & science, and also why I get such a kick out of personal finance.  There’s the natural order of things, a script.  This is probably also why I like baking more than cooking. Baking, the exact chemical reaction, vs. the freer nature of cooking (and that annoying thing where good cooks pretty much cook by instinct without measuring)? No contest!

By contrast, I’ve often felt stymied by literary analysis and film theory etc. (what do you mean there’s no right answer?).  I ignore investing advice because the stock market is so random – or at the very least, unpredictable.

And I hate waiting for things.  I hate not knowing the future.  I hate not having a plan.

D graduates in 2 weeks.  At this point, he’s interviewing for jobs, but not knowing is driving me crazy!  We always said if he can’t find work here, then we’ll move.  Of course, at what point do we give in and look elsewhere?  What do we do if one of us finds a job in a new place and the other doesn’t?  Most importantly, how do I set up a budget without having any information about what our finances are going to look like?

In my saner moments, I know that the worst case is that we keep on as we have, with D pursuing… something, while I keep working at my job.  My job is awesome, it pays me very well, and I’m lucky to have something that can support our family.  Best case is that D finds something here that pays well and we do all the grownup things we’re supposed to do next: house, baby, etc.  And there are a million other possibilities, such as we move to a new state or a new country or we quit our jobs and travel for a few years (not that that last thing is in serious contention, but you never know!).

I know some people would love to have wide open possibilities.  I just find it terrifying. I want a plan!

I guess I just need to wait a few more weeks, and by then we’ll probably know what will happen.  Until then, I’ll just have to be content with making plans for every eventuality.

Do you prefer to plan out the path of your life, or do you like to being freer to do what you please?

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3 Responses

  1. I’m mostly with you, but over the past 2 years or so I’ve learned to make peace with not knowing and to trust we’ll be able to figure things out from the options available. This was only be pure necessity since there is no way to predict what our options will be.

    But I’d prefer a more solid plan!

    I make most of my career decisions under the assumption we are staying here, with only a minor eye on how marektable I would be if I didn’t. It is just too stressful for me otherwise

  2. Right now… I would like somebody to tell me what I’m supposed to do next, and then I’ll make it happen.

    I hate uncertainty.

  3. I’m with you on liking to plan the life out of life so I have no clue why I took a totally different path academically. Seriously, there were no right answers, why was that not the most annoying thing?

    I don’t expect too many of us in this particular space are the free falling types, or aren’t anymore if we ever were …

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