Why are we such hypocrites about weddings?

I called my dad yesterday to wish him a happy Father’s Day.  My dad and I have one thing in common:  we’re both fairly interested in personal finance.  He’s the one who drilled the 401K and Roth IRA into my head.  Whenever I have questions, I call my dad.

Imagine my surprise when, as we talked about my future wedding, he said, “You should do whatever makes you happy.  It’s your day.”  He also reminded me that he and my mom are going to help defray the cost of the wedding.

I don’t want to start looking at my wedding as “my day.”  I have used that phrase exactly 3 times since getting engaged, and every time it was a mockery of the idea that the wedding should be such an important event.  (OK, so I was partially serious about getting married in the dirty bar when Chad and I spent most of our senior year.)

What do I want for my wedding?  I want to throw a kickass party.  The only things that matter are 1.) the location, at the university where he and I met, and 2.) my dress.  I know it’s ridiculous to care about the dress, and maybe I’ll wind up finding something gorgeous at David’s Bridal or something.  I’ve removed the dress from our wedding budget (although I guess that’s just playing games… the dress will be bought with money that will shortly belong to both of us), because I have expensive taste. My dream dress, should anyone case to look.

Personally, I’d be happy with a wedding at a drive-through chapel in Vegas.  The party is for my family (who I fear might disown me if I deny their right to party), an excuse to get dressed up, a chance to make invitations and arrange flowers and channel my inner Martha.

Every time I try to explain this to my mother, though, she gives me a speech about how I’ll regret not having the day of my dreams.  I disagree.

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6 Responses

  1. that is a BEAUTIFUL dress. I bet you could find a good seamstress/taylor to duplicate it. I have had MANY dresses duplicated and as long as you don’t cheat yourself on good fabric it always turns out great — plus it fits perfectly as well! 🙂 Just be sure to find a seamstress that has done formal/wedding gowns before — and ask to see his/her work!

  2. I agree, that dress is gorgeous. I’ve not been convinced of the savings of having a dress made, my one experience with it back in high school was that the cost of the materials and labor equalled the cost of the dress, but it still seems like a good idea with a very high end dress like this.

    My mom often tried to convince me that I would regret my chance at a big day, too. But, I hate being the center of attention when I don’t know half the people there! Heck, I’m not sure I like it when I DO know everyone, so why spend all that money and induce all that stress?

    You can definitely throw a kickass party without all the crazed wedding trappings, though. I highly encourage it 🙂

  3. @ Penny: That’s actually something I hadn’t considered! Thanks!

    @ Revanche: I HATE being the center of attention. There seems to be no way to avoid it, so I’m just going to make sure the bar is open all night and everyone will be too drunk to pay attention.

    MSN had an article recently about the “anti-bride,” I’m probably going to write a post on it soon…

  4. Oh! I just read that story!

  5. That dress is STUNNING…….. and I kind of agree that I’d prefer a kickass dinner and party without all that wedding froo froo.. that stuff bothers me personally because you get stressed about picking linens and center pieces and ………..ugh. all that bother.

  6. I LOVE your idea of the wedding…I was married…twice..the first was a huge affair that my parents paid for and the second, when I finally knew what I was doing, was done by my husband and myself. Since I had two small children, the day was definitely not just about me…but I already knew what was important. It’s not about the wedding day, it’s about the marriage itself. You should definitely do what you want and have it the way you want.

    You will not get to dress in a long flowing white dress for many other events, so go ahead and splurge on your dress.. the one you like is beautiful!

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